And So This Is Christmas?

Here I find myself in my 3 bedroom home. In a dead end street, in a small town, in a rural patriotic neighborhood. Again it's December and everyone is getting ready for Christmas in the most pathetic ways possible. Wether it be spending 30 dollars on a Hannah Montana doll, or waking up at 4 AM to go trample Walmart employees to death, I do not approve in the modern Christmas rituals.  I miss the day's of my youth in the 90's surrounded by footy type pajamas, and egg nog.  Flannel coats and It's a wonderful Life.  Now that my beliefs of Santa Clause are long shattered, and my home long broken Christmas isn't the same no matter how much I pretend it is.  Instead of snow bringing joy and play i now become biter and cold at the sight of any flurries whatsoever.  Now that I am in the role of the teenager I understand the attitude i used to observe from my older sister.  I wouldn't go as far to say I am apathetic toward holidays, I in fact do have a sense of nostalgia towards the Christmas spirit, but in my searching i cant seem to find the christmas spirit in the modern world that was always there as a child.  Milk and cookies, and sleepless anxious nights far differ from Doritos and coke, and sleepless depressed nights.